Deal with Depression - 34 great tips by Victor Ghoshe

My 14 month old kid slept well that night and I was chatting with my wife with dishes of dessert on the table and tea mugs in our hands and we started talking about interesting breakfast recipes.

It dawned on me at that moment how grateful I was to be alive. There were so many tasty breakfast recipes to make the next day which we never tried. Suddenly I felt -  I have something to look forward to…

We finally decided on - 'Thin white paraNtha and Hing (asafoetida) flavoured soupy Aloo - Tomato sabzi' and went to sleep happy....

But just a couple of weeks later I had some really tense weeks. In a single month I had one of the best weeks and worst weeks this year. What happened?

I’m not completely sure. Sometimes it’s so easy to analyse others than spending some time to look at ourselves.

For the happy week I recall,  life was simple and bright, my mind was absolutely clear, I was toying with new breakfast recipes, new plots for my next book, trying out new themes for painting. I was smiling and I knew what I wanted from life and was able to inspire and empower others.

Then through the two following weeks I hardly wanted to wake up, to go to office, to take phone calls; life seemed dull - visiting Amazon for checking new reviews of my book also wasn't intriguing enough. There were setbacks almost in everything instead of progress.

It’s SO much easier to NOT feel depressed when things are going well.

Surprisingly over the past months I’d been clearing out distractions in my life. Less thinking, better people and exploring what excites me at work; what excites me as a story plot. So how could I be feeling down?

I had some assumptions why I might be “down”:

• I have been thinking a lot about the success of my book, THE JOB CHARNOCK RIDDLE.... and been worried. But a few months back I was happy when I was running around for the launch and doing many things. That time I was not been thinking at all.

• I couldn't talk to my family in Kolkata for the last 2 weeks.

• I’ve been still exploring to be happy completely alone.

• Absolutely no exercise  or work out

• May be a few more I was not aware of.

But sometimes it’s hard to know what has changed or why we are in a low mood.

One important thing is to go back in time to try and recognize when things changed. Did you eat or drink something? Was it something someone said? Work related stress? Why is nothing good happening to my life - kind of a feeling?

We spend A lot of energy in mental mopping but do not talk to that one person who can cure it. Our own self!

I can’t tell you that I’m feeling 100% but I’m exploring what really makes me consistently fulfilled and happy to be alive. Ultimately, finding the root issue and resolving that will help you live a fulfilled life. Here’s what I am doing to improve my root issue:

• Talk with 3 trusted people. Ask them. Listen to them. Fully. Walk with them. Hug them.

• Talk with yourself. You know the answer. Others will help you validate or present it more clearly.

• Pen & paper. Write it all out.

Sometimes the answer won’t magically appear. I only wish it did….

I have realized the act of DOING can be SUPER powerful in figuring what you want. It’s like working out, you CAN’T be unhappy and work out at the same time.

I remember once I read a phrase from Richard Feynman. He said, "Nothing happens when there’s not enough real activity and challenge: You’re not in contact with the experimental guys. You don’t have to think how to answer questions from students. Nothing!“ 

Ever meet those people who are so certain? I can immediately think of my wife, Juthika Ghoshe. 

These people are like they always have the answers and are so grounded with who they are. I wish I was like that?

But how does one become a person like that?

To become like that,  it’s really about peeling the onion back to find out who we are at the core and what we actually want. To know what we don’t like, what excites us and why we are alive, what we’ve been building for X amount of years.

While walking around my office in Patna (Bihar, India), during the lunch hours, last week I thought of making a list of some tools. Tools which can help me when I’m sad. There are ways to deal with depression….

So I listed 35 ways to make one feel better. These are temporary, but I know they will still be helpful for you too…

1. Shave and Dress Up. looking good on the mirror is such a mood up lifter

2. Dance.
A popular writer and friend Vish Dhamija showed me the power of this. He does it so cool. Do it completely for yourself, not for anyone else.

3. Go for a walk.
As my friend Dr Utpal Das says ''getting yourself start doing something is progress'' before he hits the gym without fail everyday. I can attest - getting out of sedentary position is really powerful.

4. Indulge in 1 “bad” thing.
Eat a candy bar/ a chockolate. Have a drink. Take someones parking spot.

5. Hit the gym.
I have NEVER EVER felt bad after the gym. As much as I’ve avoided to go, I never regret.

6. Listen to great music.
Have a happy playlist.

7. Have a happy email folder / label.
I look at this once or twice a year. Always brings a smile to my face.

8. Watch TV / a movie.
It’s okay to just let your mind go.

9. Surround yourself with positive people and positive triggers.
Your family and real friends and other positive people around will always want to cheer you up.

10. Watch a comedy movie or stand-up.
I always laugh at the antiques of Jim Carrey, but choose your own medicine.

11. Reflect on a great thing you’ve done.
Look at something in the past you are PROUD of, something you worked really hard at and accomplished.

12. One small win. Clean your room, brush your teeth, take out the trash, anything.

13. Talk to a parent. Relative.
My mom is a pillar of strength. Find the person who really knows you and is always supportive, unconditionally.

14. The 5 minute rule. You get 5 minutes to COMPLETELY whine out. CRY.
Go hard. A lot of times you realize how small or insignificant our issues are.

15. Write out everything when you are feeling sad.
It’s really funny to laugh at when you are feeling better. Do the opposite when you are in a great mood. Look for patterns about where, when and why you are in this mood. I wrote this out on a post-it note and try to put myself back in those places when not feeling great.

16. Help someone else.
It can be as small as opening a door for someone else, as large as - volunteering a random person behind you at a store to the cash counter before you.

17. Change your environment.
I’ve noticed being at home cheers me up but if it’s leaving your home, doing a favourite activity (for me it’d be jogging) or going to a favourite city; do it.

18. Warm water bath. I love them. Try it out.

19. Listen to someone else’s problems.
I am sure there is some deeper psychology but listening to others issues generally makes me think mine aren’t as bad. Kind of a similar how we all think our family was the weirdest until you hear about someone else’s.

20. Read in a coffee shop.
Be around others. My close friend Meghendra says - it makes you realize there are other people on Earth with whom you can connect. For me this gives a sense of being connected. Even if you say, “I have no friends” go to a place where you can be with people. The only way to find friends is to be around people who can become friends. Start there.

21. Text / write an e-mail to a friend that always texts back.
That always cheers me up.

22. Clean Up.
Throw stuff away from your clumsy study. Seriously. Clear up your place will help clear up your mind.

23. Incense.
Have some positive association with smell and go back to it, aroma therapy always work.

24. Smile at a stranger.
Even forcing a smile will help.

25. Eat at your favourite restaurant.

26. Be congruent. Be in harmony.
Don’t fake. When someone asks how you are doing, be honest. You’ll be shocked at how much closer to others you’ll feel and how much better you’ll feel.

27. Focus on what positive you can do. Anything? Something? 1 thing? Even watering a plant is positive as well as productive.

28. Look at old people. This always helps me realize the finiteness of our time and using the best of the time.

29. Have activities / places you know cheer you up. Make a list. Visit them when feeling down.

30. Check your ego.
Think if the emotion / sadness are from what you really want internally or just an external validation.

31. 1 minute rainbow. Find a close friend and have them tell you 5 really good things about you. Reference this when needed.

32. Look macro. If you are working towards your purpose then the hurdles or bad days are okay. I know my mornings are super-impacted by good reviews of my book on Amazon, or a positive response from a reader of my book THE JOB CHARNOCK RIDDLE.

33. Attend a laughing club gathering.
I haven’t tried this, but I heard some morning walkers laughing in a park once and it really cheered me up.

 AND

34. Make a list of what a great day looks like. Do the things that make your day great. Even if it’s just one thing.

So where does that leave me?

I’m home. with my wife and kid. My car is parked in the basement lot. My next book has a plot outline. My daily exercise list has 3 sets of Burpee. My office. My co-workers. My friends all are good with me. My Present city Patna (Bihar, India) bans all kinds of liquors.

So what is it about all of these that makes me happy? I’m not 100% sure but I know in totality all of these (leaving the liquor ban part) makes me happy.

The easiest way to think about moving forward:

1. How can I simplify my life? (remove / add people, places, things).

2. Subscribe to this blog and communicate with me

3. Remember that failure is good. When you learn from failure and overcome it, you can be happier even when things don’t go your way.

4. Start EVERY DAY off with something small and positive. However trivial it may be. Something that makes you smile. It can be incense, a picture, some material, texting a friend, eating paraNtha-sabzi {I still LOVE the hing flavoured Aloo-tomato}, whatever.

5. Playing and doing the things that interest you will lead you to happiness.

Do I have the answer for what will make myself consistently fulfilled? 

For me, it’s important to know it will happen and that’s okay. Remember depression or failure has a lot to teach us. Embrace it but try not to make it self fulfilling…

May I request to write a line in the comment box on - ''why am I happy to be alive?''
That might be that first step you need to take.........  : )